Stephen Hawking was one of the most renowned scientists in modern generation who had made several achievements during his lifetime. But whenever he was asked by someone what exactly had made him puzzled which he was never able to understand, he had answered. “Women”. Hawking was confused about the fact what women really want in a man but he was not only the sole person who was puzzled by this psychological pandemic. There are other well-known scientists like Albert Einstein or Freud Kai who were almost equally unable to understand “women”. This was the reason perhaps why their personal life was never be smooth. But several researchers have made their observations in this matter and have concluded that it is very much important to have a happy married life if we want to be a successful in professional life or work field.
Nowadays almost every sensible man wants a woman in their life so that they can be helpful to each vis-a-vis they also can be successful in their professions as well. Here both men and women have to identify the needs of opposite sex. Since the query is what a woman wants from a man the question may be raised that what kind of relationship between them we are talking about. It is because needs may vary from a friendly relationship to an affairistic relationship. Yes definitely some common needs are always existing in all kinds of relationship .In this discussion we may assume that we are talking about the special relationship between a man and a woman. Now if a man wants to make her lady happy he needs to understand the following query of a woman:
What a women usually expects from his man? Let us explain broadly.
If someone asks a man “What a woman, want in a man?
Man: “I am sure 99% man will say “Money”.
1. “How rich he is?”
2. “What job he is doing?”
3. “How much he is earning?”
4. “How handsome the guy is?”
But the actual answer is different from our general perception we have about the women and all the perception is not 100% accurate.
It may happens that there are plenty of couples where the guy is not handsome in compare to the girl. Also we may observe that people used to talk behind, “What she saw in that guy? In few cases it has been observed that some women who are rich or who are carrying very good profile in their professions, they are dating with these guys who are neither rich, nor carrying a handsome profile in compare to the profile of those ladies.
Actually money or good looks are not only important incentives to a cultured or sensible women as we all think about them. To understand the puzzle, we need to go back to the history or may be to the prehistorical age, when human beings were struggling for survivals. The then time, both women and child were required to be defended by men from outsiders, attackers, animals since men were comparatively physically stronger than women. On those days women usually used to choose the men whom they can trust and believe. They used to select those men with whom they feel mentally comfortable, who would stand for them whenever they need to get their supports. So the basic and safety needs of a lady and her child-care were completely dependent on the mutual trustworthiness of the couple which even matters in the present era too.
If we look at the present era, it is evident that usually a father plays a crucial rule to develop and uplift his children and the mother stays happy with the man in most of the cases. In fact some researches shows us that in the absence of a father the chances are 5 fold higher that the kid will live in poverty, the chances are 3 fold higher that the kid will fail in examination, the chances are 2 fold higher that the kid will suffer mentally and feel insecure particularly at the early stage of life. There are very higher chances that few of them may get involved in taking drugs, doing crimes, attempting suicides due to tremendous mental depression. That’s why the trustworthiness and honesty of a man attracts a women if that man is presentable in appearance and has the ability to take family responsibilities. A woman always thinks about that in her consciousness and even her subconscious mind that, who will stand for her when she needs his help.
It is true that only the trustworthiness of a man cannot show how much that man is carrying a sense of responsibility about that woman while he may pretend to be more responsible which actually he is not. Interesting matter is that those guys can try to attract a woman easily. But a sensible woman always observes a man strictly when she is in touch of that man for the first time. At first, she always focuses on the issue of ‘bonding in relationship’ rather than ‘building a relationship’. A woman who wants to become a life partner of a man, always expects that her wisdom will be respected by that man, also he will be committed to her. Apart from these two qualities a woman may also look at other qualities in guys which are as follows:
a) Confidence – it has been observed that most of the rich guys like to show that they have good purchasing power which make them confident. And this point also match with the previously mentioned point “those who keep their commitment.” Because most of the rich guys are able to commit anything with their purchasing power while a poor man or a man falling under ‘below middle class’, is truly unable to fulfill the commitment due to the lack of money. Hence their trustworthiness factor cannot come to the front compare to the rich guys.
But one should understand that being RICH is not the actual factor while the “Trustworthiness” and “Defendable” are the actual factors to a self-dependent woman. If any guy has these qualities he may expect a positive response from a girl.
Here my personal suggestion towards the guys will be ‘ try to settle your career, give your focus to increase monetary power and profile’. That will give them the purchasing power, confidence who will be in a position to take responsibilities and to make commitments.
b) Intelligence – intelligence will be attractive if the girl also has the interest in that particular field. I.e. if the girls are interested in novels then she will be attracted towards a guy who is intelligent in the writing field.
c) Social Status – Social status could be anyone even a not so rich guy may have too. But if the guy’s social status is high in any particular field he will be attractive to a girl. It means that if a guy is a reputed singer or musician and hence, having high social status than he will be attractive towards girls.
Trustworthiness is very important to be an attractive man. Gentleman’s gestures are also essential features of a trustworthy man, like helping a lady while opening the door, helping the lady while giving the chair. These all gentle gestures of men are always being liked women because these gestures make them feel “trustworthy” towards them. Along with these, a well-dressed and smart man with a sense of hygiene is apparently, being liked by young girls in most cases. Because they always feel if a man unable to take care of himself how he will take care of others.
In a modern relationship it has been observed that most relationships never work on few principles and so often, couples are breaking up. Men feel that their ladies are not discussing properly and openly with them to resolve conflicts rather, and they are fighting in most cases. They keep fighting on every word. On the other hand guys get frustrated about it and as a result they break up the relationship.
In modern days two major complains about women are existing which are:
1. They lonely even being staying in a relationship.
2. They fight unnecessarily when conflict can easily be resolved
2. They become bored while staying with their life partner and do not want to spend much time with their men as they supposed to be.
To solve all these issues guys are suggested to use the method called “Attunement.” Now the question is what the term ‘attunement’ is, and why do you need to know about it?
Attunement is the reactiveness we have to be with another person. It is the process by which we build up relationships with others.
Dr. Dan Siegel says, “When we attune with others we allow our own internal state to shift, to come to resonate with the inner world of another. This resonance is at the heart of the important sense of “feeling felt” that emerges in close relationships. Children need attunement to feel secured and to develop themselves well. Throughout our life’s we need attunement to feel close and connected.”
As we do attuning to get the best frequency in a radio we need to do the same to build up the relationship with others. When a person will able to attuning in his relationship he will able to fulfill the need and emotions of his partner and eventually there will be less fight.
A tune up: As I mentioned above: A girl needs trustworthiness the most in a man and trust can be built up by emotional connections. To build emotional connections the most required thing is “Attunement.” It has been observed that most of the time when a girl shares her emotions & problems with a guy then most of the guys try to do following few things with them.
•Guys try to minimize the issue of the girls, they try to explain the girl that the issue is a small issue, not a big deal.
•Guys try to fix it by giving simple solutions.
•Distrust: Guys advice the ladies to forget the issue if it hurts them.
•Making fun: Guys make fun of the issue.
•Ignore: Or guys completely ignore the problem.
Guys do these all five things without knowing that these five steps are wrong in a relationship with a girl. Instead of these five mistakes guys should follow the concept “ATTUNE”, where A stands for undivided “Attention.” So when the girl share her issues, a man should give 100% attention to it rather looking at the mobile, even if he feels the issue is small or may be not so interesting but because might be the issue is very important for her. And she is important for the guy as she is part of the relationship and the guys have to make her feel that he cares about her.
“TT” stands for “turning towards”: Any human being will desire their audience to turn towards them when they are talking or sharing something. And especially when a man talks to her lady he should talk to her by looking at her eyes straight. That will make sense to that lady to feel that someone ‘special’ is talking to her.
“U” stands for “Understand”: no matter what she is talking but what matters is the guy has to understand her and understand her feelings. And the guy will understand the girls when he will be involved in her issues and ask her questions about her issues.
Most of the time girls don’t share their issues, but they actually share their feelings with their male-partners. A guy has to understand that, so rather giving her solutions guy should ask questions to understand her properly.
“N” stands for “Non defensive listening”: most of the time when the girl ask their male partner to switch off the mobile to listen her, most of the guy start fighting or arguing with them, saying that they are working and not playing game like the girls or give some other justifications which most of time are transformed into hot arguments. But even in such cases a guy should always remember that, who is unable to control his temperament or hold his words during the hot arguments that they never been able to maintain a successful relationship. Only those who know how to stay calm even in the tough situations, always able to manage a successful relationship. This formula not only work with the partner but also it work in professional life as well. So it’s always advisable to man to control over their temperament.
“E” stands for “Empathize”: the guys have to feel what his partner feels about the issue or the problem rather than simply understanding it without being judgmental about her. He should feel her sadness, anger, emotions to understand her state of mind. All these are work like magic in any kind of relationship.
If every man workout and practice all these steps advised above, they will able to do magic in their relationship. All these advice and guides I learned from the book “The Man’s Guide to Women” by John Gottman,Julie Schwartz Gottman & Doug Abrams.